I have no idea exactly when it started, but I have a feeling I must have been pretty young. The sweet memories of my childhood are riddled with fears of being kidnapped in my home, in my backyard, at the bus stop, at school, you get the point. I swear I thought every window-less van that passed me had some scary man in the back with candy ready to lure me in. Maybe that's why I never ate a lot of candy.
Now, as an adult, I'm still totally paranoid. I'm OCD about locking the doors at night and turning on the outside lights. I sleep so lightly when my husband's gone and will wake at any tiny squeak. I even imagine ways to defend my family if an intruder ever did enter my home. Yesterday my husband went trail running and took an inordinate amount of time so I went looking for him. Yeah. I said I was paranoid.
So this gets me to my next point which is also another excuse for not running: Daylight savings. The days here have been just way too dang cold to venture outside with my baby and submit him to an hour of screaming icy torture while I run in place against hurricane gale-force winds that freeze my scrunched face in place. Yeah, that's just not happening. My other option is to wait for my husband to get home and watch the baby while I run. Well, even when pigs fly and my hubby gets home by 4 p.m. it's already dark 30 minutes later! And me and my paranoid self imagine that every pedestrian is a serial killer merely disguised as a "dad taking his dog for a walk" or "two friends on a run." Yeah, I know, totally classic serial killers. The good thing in all this is that I'm sure I beat every PR I've ever made on those night runs.
So yes, I am paranoid and I admit it, whole-heartily. But, let's be honest here. Am I the only one who does this?
8 comments:
I went running once a month or so ago after dark. It only took a block to feel the paranoia creeping in, which was then climaxed when I ran by a house with a chain fence and a HUGE dog came running and barking it's head off, nearly giving me a heart-attack. I don't think I've run after dark since then....I just don't like it!
I'm totally and completely the same way! Glad to know I'm not alone. Once I was at a Halloween party and everyone had to share their biggest fear. It was interesting, because almost every girl's fear was realated to being attacked/raped/kidnapped, etc. It was eye-opening for the men in the room, b/c they just have know idea how it is to feel helpless against certain threats like that.
You and Caryn sound like 2 peas in a pod. Maybe you should get a security system like she did...seriously. Maybe you'd feel better?
I do get paranoid too, and mostly about the dark. Growing up out on the farm in the country meant very very black nights. When I came home at night and parked in the old garage, I'd ALWAYS sprint acrosst he farm to the house. Why? It was dark and creepy. I would also sprint up our stairway past the window every night. I had to work up courage beforehand. Why? Once again, dark and creepy!
I guess we all have our strange little tendencies. Don't sweat it! When you get so bad you won't leave the house, that's when you need to worry. Ha...worry. Get it. You already worry. Okay, I'm done. Love your honest, Paige. Keep writing...
I am like that too, but I feel safer now with an alarm system. I TOTALLY know what you mean when you say you think up scenarios of what you will do if you faced an intruder. I did that when I was young but it was more like,"if an alien came through the window or the door what is my escape plan..." haha! I also have plans for what I would do in a tsunami, earthquake, fire, and tornado. I am most afraid of the tsunami/flood. How would I keep both my kids above water?
Paige! I found your blog thanks to posting it on Facebook. Good work! Now I have to catch up on your posts. :)
I still hate having to go into the basement by myself. Apparently paranoia is normal. :)
I still get nervous going running alone even in the daytime (running on trails, where it's nice to run). I've heard one too many kidnapping, rape, murder stories,so I keep to the streets, even if it means inhaling exhaust the whole time.
I thought I was the only one who was this paranoid! I absolutly drive Chad mad at times. I have actually slept with my pepper spray ready to go...I have issues...I know!
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